noizemagazine - Index

noizemagazine - noiZe Magazine Issue 57 August 2008 - Index

So you think you’re
We’ll be the judge of that. Put down that frozen cosmo, take up a pen
and mark this quiz to see if you measure up to the high standards of
conduct mandated by noiZe:
1. Cherry is:
A. A virgin’s most precious asset.
B. A seasonal fruit.
C. An International Male bathing-suit shade.
D. An excuse to visit the nation’s capital.
2. I go to the gym:
A. For a few weeks after New Year’s, then give up for another year.
B. When I’m feeling fat.
C. Four times a week.
D. To pick up guys.
3. I like to have sex:
A. When I’m with someone I love.
B. If I’ve really connected with someone.
C. After a night of partying.
D. Yes. Yes, I do. Anytime. Anyplace. Anyone.
4. My ideal sex partner is:
A. Spiritual, successful and considerate.
B. Someone I connect with.
C. A muscle god.
D. Prone and breathing.
5. After a night of dancing, I consume:
A. Two pints of Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia.
B. Eggs, bacon, coffee and toast.
C. A protein shake and Power Bar.
D. Glucose from an intravenous-feeding tube.
6. The perfect shirt with a pair of jeans is:
A. A Lacoste Izod.
B. A white tee.
C. A tight wifebeater.
D. Tucked into the belt loop in my pants.
7. Two days after the Black Party, I feel:
A. Perfectly normal.
B. Exhausted.
C. Suicidal.
D. Comatose.